The Power of Words

“Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care, for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or evil.”

Siddhartha Gotoma or Buddha (563-483 B.C.)

How often do we speak without thinking of the impact of the words we say? We have so much influence over other people just by the words we choose and the tone in which we say them.

We tend to think that we don’t have much impact on others and think that what we say doesn’t matter, but I say it does.

Think back to your childhood and all the kind and mean things that people said to you. If you’re like me, you have a memory bank full of memories like these with powerful emotions attached. It doesn’t take much to retrieve the memory and relive the experience. (At least now, I can use these experiences for endless writing material so all is not lost! )

Teachers can make or break a kid with the words they say. I’m sure we have all had teachers who inspired us with their words and made us feel our potential by the encouraging words they said to us. I am grateful to the ones who praised my writing and artistic talent, encouraging me to develop my potential.

Unfortunately, there were also those discouraging teachers who turned us off subjects and made us feel badly about ourselves, all by the words they chose. Those people shouldn’t have been teachers in the first place.

I still shudder at the memory of a Sunday school teacher humiliating me for my shyness at a seniors’ residence. She shoved me forward and hissed in my ear “Say hello, stupid.” Her words still resonate and sting years later. At least now I have the wisdom of age to know that it was her issue, not mine.

As parents, the power of words is especially important as we guide our children to become confident and independent adults. Parenting is such an overwhelming proposition and most of us mess up and say the wrong thing quite often.

Now that I am a parent myself, I try to choose my words carefully. I try to be encouraging and supportive. Of course I am not perfect and I often say the wrong thing. I have a quick temper and am overly sensitive which doesn’t help. The main thing is to apologize right away and try to repair the damage done. Damaging a kid’s self esteem is one of the worst things you can do.

Being married is a challenge in communication and the power of words certainly comes into play on a daily basis. Squabbling, accusing and finding fault with each other creates such a tense environment. Wouldn’t it be better to work at supporting and encouraging one another?

You can make or break someone’s day by the words you say and how you say them. Why not be encouraging and supportive instead of critical and judgemental? The impact is long lasting. And you thought you couldn’t make a difference in the world!

Give it a try and see the powerful impact you can have as the person responds to the “power of your words”.

What about a time tree? Time as money

 

Wouldn’t we all love to have a money tree growing in our backyards? (Hidden from the neighbours of course. Don’t want them stealing any of it.) Just the idea of being able to spend to our heart’s content on anything we wanted without guilt or fear of going broke. Who hasn’t had that kind of dream before? Why do people like buying lottery tickets so much? The same idea applies.

Money is great. Wish I had more of it. It does make us more comfortable, secure and raises our prestige. Wouldn’t we all love some extra cash to fix up our houses, go on fancy vacations and indulge a little?

Even though I like money as much as the next person, in my mind, time is more precious. It really is all we have and once it’s gone, it’s gone.

Remember the expression “time is money.”? What if we were rethink the expression to “Time as money?”

Often I fritter away the seconds in an unproductive way and wonder where the day went. Like lost pennies under the sofa cushions, the seconds slip away on me. Unlike the pennies that I can retrieve from under the cushions, those seconds are gone for good.

Being in my fifties gives my life a sense of urgency that wasn’t there before. It’s now or never. Often I waste seconds with useless worrying over unimportant things, I worry about what others might think, or I wallow in self pity. The worst is having a negative attitude or regretting past mistakes. What a time waster that is.

It’s time to let go of the negative habits that eat up my seconds, and replace them with positive actions like joy, gratitude, self acceptance and connection to other people. Time spent expressing those sentiments is time well spent.

When I imagine my life as a time tree full of leaves made up of years, weeks, hours, minutes and seconds, time seems that much more precious. Those leaves are falling to the ground more and more rapidly these days. I need to catch them and enjoy them before they fall and wither away for good.

Rediscovering a first love

I’ve always loved being creative. Recently I had a revelation that I don’t do it for approval from others or to make big bucks. If I did it for those reasons, I would have given up long ago, believe me.

Being creative is just a part of who I am like my red hair, pale skin and introverted nature. When I don’t get to express it, I feel very robotic and drudgelike, only going through the motions of living.

I’ve dabbled in all things creative by playing flute, singing in a women’s choir, acting, and of course the writing which I love so much.

But what about art? It used to be my first love as a child. What happened to that joy I used to get from drawing pictures and escaping into a world of my own making?

Lately I’ve had a yearning to rediscover that first love once again. I’m not sure what happened but somewhere along the way I grew to dislike doing art and the joy went out of it. It didn’t help that I went to school to study graphic design where we were constantly compared and had to produce according to someone else’s specifications. I couldn’t handle the constant comparison against the other students’ work and that feeling of not being good enough. It was gruelling trying to come up with ideas for designs with the ultimate goal of selling or promoting something. Art wasn’t fun anymore.

I felt I didn’t have the personality and thick skin to be a graphic artist so was quite happy to work as a desktop publisher for many years. It didn’t have the prestige of a designer but still had an element of creativity and was safer than putting myself out there in the graphic design world.

Now at 51 years old, I have a yearning to rediscover that first love of drawing and painting for the pure enjoyment of it. Who cares what others think or if I’ll make any money at it? (Okay, maybe I do care a little bit about those things but they’re not my main motivation.)

Old Mr. Ick http://catmuses.wordpress.com/2011/06/16/are-you-letting-mr-ick-take-control/ is there perched on my shoulder as usual. When I do draw something, he’s always the first one to tell me it looks terrible. Since the art course, I feel blocked and can’t be as spontaneous with my drawing. I feel a pressure to make it look just right with the right shading, proportions, perspective and line weight.

“Didn’t you go to art school?” Mr. Ick mocks. “You’re supposed to know those things. Some artist, you are!”

I’d like to come back to my first love of drawing with that child-like joy I once had. I want to rediscover the smell of the wax crayons, pencil crayons and the feeling of that paintbrush as I hold them in my hand. I want to marvel over their beautiful names like alizarin crimson or cerulean blue. I want to feel the exhilaration of making that first line on paper, then a shape, then adding some colour, and another colour, rendering it into something magical before my eyes. I want to lose myself in the present moment and look up to see that three hours have passed while I was creating.

All it takes is the courage to let the past go in order to put the dream into action. It all starts with one line.

Are you letting Mr. Ick take control?

You’re too fat. Don’t bother dieting. You know you’ll just fail at it anyhow. You always do.

You’re so stupid. When will you ever get it right? Give up already! You’re not good enough to try for that job. Face it. You won’t ever make it as a writer/artist/musician ___________. You don’t have any talent or the stamina. Give up already!

Does that voice sound familiar? Have you let your Inner Critic, or Mr. Ick as I like to call him, take control of your life? If you’re like me, you probably have that inner critic, that little voice inside you who constantly tries to control your thoughts and sabotage your life.

Before you know it, the negative thoughts escalate and Mr. Ick assumes control. How can we put Mr. Ick in his place and take back control of our lives? Is it even possible?

Let’s begin by thinking of ways we might banish the negative thinking that snowballs into a boulder if left to roll down the snowy mountainside.

Write down ten positive things that you like about yourself. Come on now. Surely you can think of ten. Even if they’re small things like having nice toes or being able to whistle through your teeth, write ‘em down.

Surround yourself with positive and encouraging friends. While it’s hard to avoid negative types in the workplace, (that’s another blog post entirely. You’re on your own with that one, guys! ) you are allowed to pick your friends.

Maybe you’ve been hanging onto Negative Nelly for too long just because you’re so comfortable and she reinforces the bad view you have of yourself. Do you really need her? Mr. Ick likes her but you don’t need her to kick you around. Mr. Ick is already doing enough of a good job.

Stop beating yourself up for every little thing. Instead, be kind to yourself and make it a daily habit. Focus on all the good stuff in your life and be grateful. It’s going by fast. Enjoy it.

Follow your joy and don’t be so focused on results. Join a group of like-minded individuals and just enjoy the process. Enthusiasm is contagious. So what if you aren’t a virtuoso piano player, an award winning actor or star athlete? If you’re having fun with it and find it fulfilling, do it.

Be forgiving of your mistakes and weaknesses. Not one person is totally perfect even if they might like to give that illusion.

If you fail at something, don’t let Mr. Ick kick you into the gutter. Consider it a learning experience to add to your life’s resume. Failure hurts but you will recover and the world continues on. Besides, sometimes we learn more from failure than from success.

I don’t claim to know all the answers on how to get rid of Mr. Ick. He still lurks about ready to pounce on me at the slightest sign of self-doubt or self-criticism. I can even hear him right now saying that this blog post is crap and don’t even bother posting it.

I am involved with a women’s choir, play flute in a community band and with my harpist friend. I enjoy these experiences so much and when I lose myself in the music, Mr. Ick is nowhere to be seen. The moment I start worrying about perfection, making money, or competing with others, Mr. Ick sticks his nose in again.

And don’t even get me started about my anxiety and doubts when it comes to the writing. That’s for another post, too. Or maybe a book! Just don’t ask me to submit it anywhere though because I know it’s going to be crap. Mr. Ick said so!

The problem is that I’ve let Mr. Ick flop on my couch, eat all my food, and steal the satellite remote one time too many. It’s time to tell him to get out.

Okay, listen up, Mr. Ick.

First of all, get off my couch. That’s my spot and my food.

And give me back the remote while you’re at it.

It’s my show and I’m in control of it.

I’m changing it from the “I’m not good enough” channel you had it on to the “I’m good enough and then some!” channel.

And I’m going to keep it there from now on, so there!

Lost and Found – A Military kid reflects

When I was a kid, we moved every two to three years since my dad was a pilot in the military. I was quite shy so it took a while to make friends, only to lose them a few years later when I had to move again.

Eventually I would make new friends but the pattern continued and I never did get used to the constant upheaval of starting again. I hated being the new kid, feeling lost and bewildered much of the time. I still hate that feeling.

On the positive side, I did find an inner strength and resilience that I might not have found if I’d stayed in the same place. I found that I could adapt to changing circumstances, experiences and different people. I enjoyed traveling and finding out new things about each place we lived in.

I realized that there were some things I didn’t mind losing each time we moved. I could lose the old me and reinvent myself. I could lose that wimpy kid who got embarrassed and cried too easily. Only problem was that I could only keep up that perfect persona for so long until once again, I would cry or look foolish. Eventually they found me out and the real me was revealed once again. Darn it!

I was so happy when I could move and lose the bullies and the snotty girls who had been intent on making my life miserable. Only problem was that there would always be new bullies and snotty girls to take their places. Bummer!

I am happy to say I’ve lived in the same house for twenty years now but I notice that I still lose friends and find new ones. Over the years I’ve changed and lost jobs, gotten older, joined groups and quit them. Friends have come and gone through all of this. Moving had nothing to do with that.

I have found much more stability and a sense of roots that I didn’t have as a kid. I’m envious of my sons getting to grow up in the same place and go to school with the same kids. They may complain that it’s dull but they have roots and a sense of belonging that I missed out on.

Even though I may have lost out in some ways from all that moving, I found I’ve gained much more than I’ve lost.

All those experiences have shaped who I am today and given me a broader perspective than if I had stayed in one place. I have no regrets, only gratitude.

Success can’t be defined by others

When I was a student at art school, my mom gave me a poster with a skier on it that said “Success lies not in being the best, but in doing your best.”

Each day should be seen as an opportunity to grow and learn, becoming stronger and wiser than the day before.

Success shouldn’t be defined by comparing yourself to others. I used to compare myself to kids in school and always felt that I didn’t measure up. Later I compared myself to others in the workplace and would often feel disappointed and bitter, convinced that others were more successful. “The grass isn’t necessarily greener” as the cliche goes.

These days we strive for material success to get the perfect house, several cars and nice vacations. Everyone seems so driven in their constant pursuit of material wealth. It’s hard not to get caught up in the frenzy.

We work long hours and put up with the grind in our quest for promotions, recognition, and more money, all in the name of career success.

Are these examples of what success means?

For me, success should be measured on a smaller scale in the small daily events of life. You don’t have to be the best to attain any of these things, but if you do your best, the rest will fall into place.

Success to me is:

• Having the satisfaction of a job well done by always trying to do your best.
• Making a difference, no matter how small. Volunteering is a good example of an easy way to make a difference.
• Sharing your talents with the world
• Recycling and reducing your carbon footprint.
• Being kind and unselfish instead of always thinking only of yourself.
• Having empathy for others and remembering that they all have their life stories that you know nothing about.
• Connecting with others by making another person’s day. Helping someone or even something as simple as giving them a kind word of encouragement can make such a difference.
• Handling a difficult situation without giving up.
• Letting go of disappointment and anger.
• Overcoming fear and taking a risk.
• Keeping a positive outlook even when everything is going against you.
• Having a sense of humour to cope with life’s daily aggravations and upheavals.

Of course no one is perfect and there will be times when you mess up, but as long as you can put it behind you, and start again, that to me is true success.

You don’t have to be the best but if you do your best, what more can anyone ask?

What’s your definition of success?

A is for Awesome!

Cathy suggested the topic of “Awesome” for the last post in the Z to A challenge. I offered to write the blog for who better to write about the topic than yours truly, Loup Awesome Graham, Cathy’s incredibly handsome and intelligent Malamute?

I thought I would talk about all the things I think are awesome in this world and then you can tell me what things you think are awesome. Deal?

My list includes:

• Moi, well naturally! I am pretty awesome if I do say so myself. It’s no coincidence that AWESOME is my middle name, don’t cha know? I’m handsome, intelligent, and incredibly charming. A winning combination if I do say so myself. So I’m a little rough around the edges. I am a Northern dog after all.
• My family is pretty awesome; Cathy, Brian, Rory, Eric, and the dogs Tanner, Alex, Tyna and the cats Rosie, Maggie and Daisy. Well, actually I don’t think the cats are that awesome but Cathy said I’d better include them or their noses would be out of joint. Aren’t their noses always out of joint? They’re cats after all.
• Mud puddles – Nothing better for relieving stress, not that I have any to speak of. Good for the fur and the complexion. Ahhhh! Wish there was one nearby right now.
• Long walks – I just love long walks in the country side with the family. The only thing I don’t like is when those two miserable German Shepherds ambush me but I can hold my own.
• Old Socks – I just love a good sock to chew on and for a good tug of war, nothing else is quite like it
• Leftovers – Nothing better. Well, maybe socks to chew on. MMM! Hey, Cathy, we haven’t had any leftovers for a while. How about it? *looks hopefully*
• Snow and winter – I just love the snow but I am an Arctic snow dog after all. Apologies to all you summer lovers.
• Treats – I love the kind Cathy gets but sometimes I find my own treats when I find garbage and dead birds or rabbits on the road. Yummers! *Drools*
• Digging holes and destroying things – I just love to distress by digging a big hole or ripping some lattice off the side of the porch. Good for whatever ails ya. You should try it. Do I look stressed? See, it works!
• And last but not least, all my Facebook friends are the most AWESOME. You guys are truly AWESOME and I’m so grateful for you all!

So those are just ten things I think are awesome. I could go on but Cathy said to wrap it up since she’s a day late already.

So what things do you think are awesome?

B is for Bubbles!

Bubbles make me feel like a kid again!

Bubbles in my latte 

and in my milkshake – so frothy and delicious

Bubbles in my coke and champagne – They tickle my nose!

Bubbles in my bath are pure decadence 

Bubbles, lovely bubbles! 

I love bubbles so much I think I may go blow some bubblegum bubbles.

Or better yet, I’m going to blow bubbles in the backyard. 

Talk about bliss! What kind of bubbles do you like best?

C is for the Chapter of Cornelia

There was once a girl named Cornelia who lived alone in a cottage out in the Canadian wilderness with her chubby cat Chloe. She would spend her days doing crochet, calligraphy, and creative writing. She would take a break at 10 am and 3pm to drink coffee and eat store-bought cake, cookies and chocolate. It was a calm existence that she had craved after being fired from her job as a cook at the Calypso Cafe in Calgary .

When she moved out to the country she enjoyed the calmness at first where all she ever heard were the chickadees and the cardinals chirping. Sometimes she longed for a bit of the confusion and chaos of the big city to stir things up.

One evening she was cooking some Lean Cuisine chicken for dinner when she heard a big crash. She rushed outside to find a cab had landed in the creek. The cabbie called out for help as he clutched an overhanging branch.

Cornelia tried to catch him but the creek’s current was constant.

“Just a minute,” she cried.

She managed to capture him by throwing out a big cardigan she had crocheted.

“How courageous you are,” the cabbie remarked when he could catch his breath. He reached out to caress her. “Would you like to cohabitate with me?” Cornelia slapped him across the cheek with the wet cardigan. Chloe ran over and dug her claws into his leg.

“How crass and cheeky you are!” Cornelia cried as she cringed.

“I apologize for being so crude,” the cabbie said. “I’m Charlie. I’d like to court you. Could I call on you sometime?”

Cornelia thought about it for a while. Then it came to her.

“I remember you. You’re Crabby Charlie. You used to come into the Calypso Cafe. You would complain about my cooking. You were always cranky and cantankerous.

“But your cooking was crappy,” Charlie said. “Face it. You can’t cook!”

“That’s besides the point,” Cornelia contorted.

“I don’t need this. I’ll call a tow truck and I’m outta here,” Charlie said and got out his soggy cell phone but it didn’t work.

“Use my phone,” Cornelia said. She let him in the cottage where he called the cab company to tell them what had happened.

“Hey, I like your calligraphy,” Charlie said admiring the lettering project on the canvas. “And you crochet well, too.” He admired all the cute caps and colourful cardigans on display. “You’re pretty creative.”

“Thanks. Would you like some coffee and cookies?” Cornelia said craving some company.

“Did you bake the cookies?” Charlie asked cautiously.

“No, they’re store bought,” she said cheerfully. “You’re safe.”

“Okay, I’ll stay.”

“Great. Would you like to hear my creative writing? I just started a chapter.”

“Sure,” said Charlie between sips of coffee. “I’d love to.”

“Here goes,” Cornelia said and took a deep cleansing breath.

“Once there was a girl named Cornelia who lived alone in a cottage out in the Canadian wilderness with her chubby cat, Chloe.”

D is for Daydreaming

D is for Daydreaming

Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind.  ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Don’t you love the French word for dreaming? Reverie. It sounds so much more beautiful but then most words do sound better in French anyhow. Listen to Debussy’s “Reverie” and lose yourself in the images of this lovely video.

I’ve always been a dreamer type. Not always a good thing, especially back in school days during math class where invariably the teacher would call on me to answer a question. I would gaze out the window and take a daydreaming journey out of myself and my surroundings.

“Cathy you’re not paying attention!” the teacher would bark and I would be jolted back into the reality of my dull math class once again. Needless to say, I just scraped through math and barely passed.

As a young child, I could easily lose myself in a fantasy world of fairy tales and make believe. We moved around a lot since my dad was in the Forces. I was shy and introverted so it was good that I could entertain myself in a world of my own making. Give me a box of crayons and a pad of paper and I was happy to lose myself drawing and creating stories.

A bit of daydreaming is good for a person, don’t you agree? It frees up the mind to be playful and carefree. Anything is possible. It’s hard to be creative without some daydreaming beforehand.

Our society seems to scorn daydreaming and right brained activity. Left brained types are more favoured. They achieve and produce. They keep the world running smoothly and in a somewhat orderly fashion. They make the big bucks while the artsy types struggle to make a living.

Dreamers are lazy and don’t achieve anything useful is the common consensus amongst those who need to see measurements and results. Hop to it! Time is money!

But what if there were no artists, musicians, composers, performers, or writers? The world would be a dull grey place, indeed. There would be no light, no music, no emotion, no colour, no magic. I can’t even imagine a world like that and yet in some corners of the world, artists are persecuted for trying to express themselves. That’s so wrong and I feel grateful to live in a free country like Canada where freedom of expression is a right we all have.

Daydreaming is a good thing in my mind. Good for your health too as it relieves stress and refreshes you. I recommend it highly.

Now if you’ll excuse me. I don’t mean to be rude but I have some serious daydreaming to do.

See you in my dreams!